Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
