That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
