me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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