i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
