I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
