Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
