I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
