Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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