so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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