**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
