hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
