Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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