it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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