i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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