I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
