I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
