sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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