I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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