i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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