You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
