i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
