dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
