I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
