i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
