sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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