There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize