Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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