he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
