I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
