My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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