Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
