I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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