haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
