I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
3 2 1 whiskey
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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