Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize