**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
