I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
