Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
