at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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