I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize