you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
