Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just invented taco cereal.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
