He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
