dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
