So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
