Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
