its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
