just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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