hotel room ftw
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
