can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Randomize
