These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's get the cat blown out
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
