so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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