If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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