I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
