Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
a search helicopter?!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
