I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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