i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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