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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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