I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
