this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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