At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize