it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
