apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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