OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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