can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
