i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
