I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
